Trauma and PTSD

Having a parent who has significant narcissistic traits is its own kind of trauma. The hallmarks of narcissism are self-centeredness, lack of empathy, an insistence on being seen as right, good, powerful, use of immature ego defenses, and an unhealthy need for power and control. 

 

If your parent is narcissistic enough to affect your relationship with them, your parent has a hard time caring more about your thoughts and feelings than about their own. The abuse and neglect you experienced in childhood or adolescence may be so significant you have PTSD as a result. 

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Other people with narcissistic parents may not have experienced the kind of abuse or neglect that's considered PTSD. Despite that, and although growing up with a narcissistic parent isn't considered a mental health diagnosis unto itself (yet), anyone who has experienced it knows it's traumatic.

 

Why? We learn to love ourselves and see ourselves as capable by taking in what other people, particularly our parents, think and feel about us. If your parent wasn't able to see or hear you, or if their perspective of you was chronically negative, you may find it hard to believe you're lovable. You may find yourself in relationships where you feel lonely instead of loved. You may pursue goals or take care of your appearance because you're afraid of not being loved, instead of because you deserve it. Or you may not bother with trying, because you know you don't deserve it.

 

Your relationship with your parents also affects how capable you think you are. You may think there's no way you can accomplish your goals, and when you are successful, you downplay your accomplishments. Maybe you try to be successful just to prove to your parent that you're lovable, or do things your parent wants you to do even though you don't want to, so your parent will finally love you. 

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Sometimes parents with narcissistic traits are able to be more loving toward their children, but have a hard time doing so with their partners. Growing up in a home where your parents argued chronically can be just as impactful as growing up with a parent who wasn't able to be present to you. 

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Dealing with a sibling, partner, ex, or someone else with narcissistic traits that affect your relationship is likewise traumatic. The challenges of being in a relationship with someone who is unable to engage in a two-way relationship, in which you both identify and regulate your own emotions most of the time, is frustrating and exhausting. 

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Most of my clients have experienced narcissistic abuse, but I do work with clients who have experienced other traumas as well. Because I work in narcissism recovery, I use a trauma-informed approach in working with clients, regardless of their life experiences. Click here to go to my blog to learn more about how to heal from trauma and PTSD, or click here to learn more about my approach to counseling.