Tapping: A Simple, Easy Way to Manage Emotions, Feelings, Cravings, and Pain!

(c) 2025 The Two Aces Illustrations used with permission

Today’s post is for you, whether you’re here because you’re in narcissism recovery, you think you have narcissistic traits, you’re interested in weight management, or you just stumbled onto my blog somehow!

No matter what brings you to this post, you experience uncomfortable emotions and feelings. You may experience cravings, whether you’re longing to eat or drink something that’ll set you back with your nutrition goals, or whether you’re having trouble resisting doomscrolling. And if you’ve got a human body, it hurts sometimes.

Happily, tapping is a simple, easy way to manage emotions, feelings, cravings, and pain. Tapping is slowly growing in popularity: If you’ve seen the first episode of The Better Sister, you may remember the scene where Chloe uses tapping (also known as Emotional Freedom Technique, or EFT).

In that scene, Chloe starts tapping around her eyes, then below her nose, her chin, her collarbone, under her arm, and ends by aggressively tapping the top of her head. In a later episode, Chloe and her sister Nicole share a brief conversation about tapping, in which Chloe suggests tapping isn’t working too well for her.

Because I find tapping so effective, I was cringing as I watched the show. Chloe gives tapping a bad rap (to make a bad pun), because she ignored the steps that make tapping effective. It was no surprise to me when she got frustrated and gave up.

Fortunately, tapping is easy to learn, and you don’t have do it perfectly to do it well. It’s useful for managing overwhelming emotions and feelings, and for managing cravings of all kinds. It’s also effective for pain management. I teach it to my clients because it’s a way to be a caring parent to yourself, which bolsters self-esteem and self-concept.

That said, you don’t want to have Chloe’s experience with tapping, and find it ineffective because you’re skipping over steps. So, today we’ll talk about tapping, and explore how to tap safely and effectively.

At the end of today’s post, you’ll find an illustration of the tapping spots, and a reminder list of the eight steps to safe, effective tapping, in case you need a boost as you’re tapping.

Eight Simple Steps to Successful Tapping

Step 1. It’s rare, but you can tap into traumatic memories. So, I encourage you to consider creating a Container or Safe Place before you try tapping, then recall your Container or Safe Place before you begin tapping. Container/Safe Place is a tool that gives you a place, in your mind’s eye, to leave thoughts and feelings that are overwhelming. That way, if you tap into a traumatic memory, you can gently put the memory or thoughts and feelings in your Container/Safe Place, until you’re able to address those thoughts and feelings.

Container/Safe Place is different from compartmentalizing, in that the intention is not to pack up and avoid your feelings. Rather, Container/Safe Place is simply a place to leave thoughts and feelings that you’re not able to address in that moment.

I like Container/Safe Place because it’s the internal equivalent of a caring parent telling their child that they can’t talk about it with their child right this moment, but they do want to hear about it, and will remember to talk about it as soon as possible.

For example, if a parent is changing a younger child’s diaper, making dinner, or driving in heavy traffic, these are times when a parent can't give their child the full attention they deserve. A caring parent will gently explain they can’t, but they want to, and will follow up with the child as soon as possible.

If you’d like to create a Container/Safe Place, here’s how:

• Envision a container or a place you enjoy in your mind’s eye. What do you see? Describe it in detail. If it’s a container, notice how it looks. Is it lined or carpeted? How is it furnished? What items or activities are in the Container?

• If it’s a place, describe where you are. What time of day or night is it? What’s the weather like? What can you feel? What do you hear? Do you smell anything? What items or activities are there? Be as specific and detailed as you can!

• Write down the details about your Container or Safe Place, and keep it handy so you can refer to it when you need it.

• After you use your Container or Safe Place, remember to return to it when you have the support you need to process your thoughts and feelings.

Step 2. Now that you have your Container/Safe Place, you’re ready to get started! First, you’ll identify the issue and the emotion about the issue, in one sentence. Here are some examples:

“I’m angry my boss is being such a jerk!”

“My friend hasn’t texted me back today and I’m worried they’re mad at me.”

“I pulled a muscle in my arm and it hurts!”

“Today was a lot and I’m feeling overwhelmed!”

Step 3. Be sure the issue and emotion belong to either the past, OR the present, OR the future. In other words, check to make sure that you’re addressing one issue at a time. If you’re angry because your boss is treating you the same way your parent used to treat you, tapping about your boss won’t be terribly effective. Instead, you’d want to focus your tapping on how your parent used to treat you the same way your boss is treating you now.

Instead, try to separate them out, and use tapping for each time period. It’s usually best to go in order, from the past, to the present, to the future. For example, if you’re angry about what your boss is doing because it’s like what your parent used to do, tap about how your parent used to do what your boss is doing, then tap about what your boss is doing. If you try to tap about them together, it’s not as effective.

Don't get too hung up on doing this (or any other) step perfectly. If you confuse past, present, and future, you'll discover it later in the process, and you can change up your tapping then.

Step 4. Identify how intense the emotion is on a scale of 0 – 10. Zero means you feel calm, while ten means you feel the emotion as intensely as you can imagine. Make a note of this number—you’ll need it in a few minutes!

Step 5. Say the setup statement “I’m feeling [emotion], but I’m okay,” and tap from the side of the hand to the heart hold. You can use as many or as few fingers as you prefer, and you can tap using your right or left hand. Tap or massage at each spot for as long as you feel comfortable before moving on to the next spot.

Acupressure spots are not small. You need to be in the general vicinity of the spot. You’ll know when you’re in the right place, because you’ll notice a comforting, meaningful sensation as you tap or massage.

Step 6. When you’ve completed Step 5, do three rounds of tapping. A “round” begins with the top of your head, goes to the inner corner of the eye, the outer corner of the eye, below the eye, below the nose, the chin, the collarbone, under the arm, and ends with the heart hold (from tapping spot 2 to tapping spot 10). So, you'll tap from the top of your head to the heart hold, three times in a row.

Rounds are different from the setup statement, in two ways. First, you’ll say “I’m feeling [emotion],” but you drop the “but I’m okay.” So, instead of “I’m angry at my boss, but I’m okay,” you’ll say “I’m angry at my boss!”

Second, notice how you feel as you move from one spot to the next. Allow the emotion to change as needed. So, a round might look and sound like this:

Tapping top of head, “I’m angry at my boss”

Tapping inner corner of eye, “I’m angry at my boss”

Tapping outer corner of eye, “I’m angry at my boss”

Tapping below nose, “I’m really sad my boss yelled at me”

Tapping chin, “I’m really sad my boss yelled at me”

Tapping collarbone, “I’m sad my boss yelled at me”

Tapping underarm, “I’m sad my boss yelled at me”

Heart hold, “I’m sad my boss yelled at me, but her behavior has nothing to do with me”

As with the setup statement, you tap or massage at each spot for as long as you feel comfortable before moving on to the next spot.

Step 7. When you’ve completed three rounds, notice where you’re at, on a scale of 0-10, with your original feeling. How does that compare to where you were in Step 4? Ideally, we want to see the number drop 2-4 points with each set of three rounds.

If the number didn’t drop, or if it dropped 1-2 points, check to see if your issue is truly about the past, the present, or the future. You may not have known when you began tapping that the issue was actually about a mix of the past, present, and future, and that’s fine.

Sometimes tapping helps you sort out what you’re thinking and feeling. As you have a clearer picture of what’s happening, you can tap about just the past, just the present, or just the future.

Step 8. Repeat Steps 6 – 7 until you’re satisfied with how you’re feeling.

Tapping Tips: 

• While I don’t recommend The Better Sister Chloe’s laissez-faire approach, don’t worry too much about “getting it right.” Acupressure works in part because it leans into the human need for physical connection. Tapping is an incredibly effective way to be a caring parent to yourself. Think about it: How many tapping spots are places where a caring parent gently touches their child? A caring parent caresses their child’s head, gently strokes their forehead, cheek, and chin, wipes their child’s nose, picks them up, and hugs them.

• One of the things that doesn’t affect tapping is skipping a tapping spot or two. So, if you forget when you’re learning, or if you’re unable to tap a particular spot, for whatever reason, don’t worry about it. Tap where you can!

• Many people notice some tapping spots resonate more effectively for them. You can use those tapping spots as a way to self-soothe, separate from tapping. I use the side of the hand, the outer corner of the eye, and below the nose and chin. Experiment to see if there are spots that resonate for you!

• If you notice that your number didn’t drop much, double-check to see if the issue is muddling two time periods together (usually the past and the present, or the present and the future). If you are, separate them out, and tap about one time period, then the other.

• You don’t have to keep tapping until you get to zero, or to any particular number. In fact, you may get to a certain point and consciously decide to stop there. Several years ago, a situation occurred at work, and I was livid about it. After a round of tapping, I went from an 8 to a 6. After a second round of tapping, I was at a 4. I chose to remain at a 4, because I needed the energy of anger to help me follow through on what I needed to do about the situation. However, I didn’t need that much anger! – and tapping helped me get to where I was angry, but not furious.

• There are many different variations on a theme of tapping. The version of tapping I teach is grounded in attachment theory. Other versions work, but as an attachment therapist, I prefer this version!

Tapping Protocol

Step 1. Recall your Container or Safe Place before you begin tapping.

Step 2. Identify the issue and the emotion about the issue, in one sentence. 

Step 3. Be sure the issue and emotion belong to the past, OR the present, OR the future. 

Step 4. Identify how intense the emotion is on a scale of 0 – 10. 

Step 5. Say the setup statement “I’m feeling [emotion], but I’m okay,” and tap from the side of the hand (1) to the heart hold (10).

Step 6. Do three rounds of tapping. Each round starts at the top of the head (2) and ends at the heart hold (10). Say “I’m feeling [emotion]” at each tapping spot.

Step 7. When you’ve completed three rounds, notice where you’re at, on a scale of 0-10, with your original feeling.

Step 8. Repeat Steps 6 – 7 until you’re satisfied with how you’re feeling.

(c) 2025 The Two Aces Illustrations used with permission

If you're intrigued by tapping and you'd like personalized support, I encourage you to reach out to a therapist who is trained in tapping, particularly if you know you're holding on to trauma. They can help you personalize tapping, and support you as you use tapping to help you process your thoughts and feelings!

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