Can Being More Active Help with Weight Management...and Narcissism Recovery? Yes!!

Do you think of physical activity as “exercise,” and think of exercise as an unfun thing you “have to do” to lose or maintain weight?

Are you dealing with the stress of being in relationship with someone with narcissistic traits?

If you answered yes to either question (and especially if you answered yes to both!), you’ll find today’s post helpful. Why? Our current culture tends to think of physical activity as exercise, and think of exercise as activities like going to the gym, or getting on a treadmill.

But throughout human history, physical activity has been movement—the necessary movement of survival. As we’ve moved from a focus on surviving to thriving, we’ve significantly cut back on how much movement we need to do.

In a sense, this shift has been wonderful. My great-grandparents had a working farm, which meant their daily life involved a significant amount of daily physical activity. Among other things, my great-grandmother churned her own butter and made her own bread, both of which were excellent upper-body strength training activities. My great-grandfather chopped wood to heat their home and fuel their wood stove, and he baled hay to feed the horses and cows.

More recently, back in the 1980s, my first studio apartment had the luxury of a private separate garage—minus an automatic garage door opener. I had to get out of my car, pull open the garage door manually, get back in my car, drive into my garage, then get back out of my car and close the garage door.

Fast-forwarding a few decades, opening and closing my garage door requires just a few calories—I push a button to open it, then push the button again to close it. No getting up and sitting back down, no walking back and forth, no bending down and pulling the door open, then reaching up to pull the door back down.  

While we can all appreciate the convenience of buying bread and butter at the store, pushing a button for heat or air conditioning, and just pushing a button to open and close a garage door, the down side of our modern thriving lifestyle is that it’s far less active.

And that’s unfortunate, because physical activity is key to a healthy lifestyle. It’s true that cardiorespiratory and strength training activities help you burn calories and maintain muscle mass, both of which are key for weight management. (I'll post more about cardio and strength training soon.)

But equally importantly, physical activity has a myriad of other benefits. Physical actvitiy combats the negative impacts of our sedentary lifestyle. Some researchers believe sitting for eight hours (or more) daily is as harmful for the body as smoking cigarettes.

In addition, physical activity helps your brain deal with stress. Research suggests physical activity serves as a way for the brain to "practice" being stressed, which helps the brain respond more effectively when you are stressed. (If you're into the science of it, learn more here).

Physical activity also generates the production of serotonin, dopamine and norepinephrine, brain hormones that manage mood and help you feel happier and less stressed. And you don't have to run a 5K or lift weights to get the brain benefits of physical activity. Lifestyle activities also release these brain hormones. (To learn more about the science, check out this article.)

And because physical activity helps your mind and body deal with both sitting and stress, it also helps you with sleep. As we've discussed in a previous post, getting enough rest is key to both weight management and stress management.

In short, being more active can help you with weight management and narcissism recovery. So, let's take a look at how you can be more active--without going to the gym, or spending time on the treadmill!

Why Get Physical?

Your body is meant for movement. When deprived of movement, muscles and bones shrink and die. Rather than thinking of physical activity as exercise that can only be accomplished on a treadmill or in a gym, it makes more sense to think of physical activity as something you do all day, every day.

Dr. Bessel van der Kolk noted in his well-respected book The Body Keeps the Score that physical activity is a way for people who have experienced physical and emotional trauma to reclaim their bodies: When you engage in physical activity, you have power and control over what happens to your body.

This is especially true if you’re engaging in activities like dance and martial arts, where you are engaging in varying sequential behaviors. But it’s also true of any physical motion, from walking to playing pickleball. And activities that create an impact on your environment—like cleaning, gardening, lawn care, or painting your bedroom—provide you with an additional way to reclaim power and control over what your body can do.

If you’re familiar with the 8 Cs of Self in Internal Family Systems, you might also be thinking about how physical activity can help you experience being in Self. Physical activity amps up confidence and courage. It requires you to enhance connection to, and compassion for, yourself—or you’ll end up injured! Physical activity leaves you calm and clear-minded. Activities like dance strongly encourage creativity and curiosity, too. Moving your body through space can help you connect with Self and enjoy thriving!  

(If you've never heard of Internal Family Systems, but the idea of feeling confident, courageous, connected, compassionate, calm, clear-minded, creative, and curious sounds appealing, check out Dr. Schwartz's book No Bad Parts or You're the One You've Been Waiting For to learn more about how parts work can help you heal trauma and shift from surviving to thriving!)

How to Amp Up Lifestyle Activity

Naturally, I encourage you to consider ways to work toward the recommendations for cardio and strength training that are best for you. But since you and I probably won't be making bread, churning butter, baling hay, chopping wood, or even manually opening the garage door today, our focus here is on lifestyle activity--that is, how you can move your body through space every day, and all throughout the day. Here are some tips and ideas to get you moving!

• See yourself as someone who moves their body through space every day. Create a mantra, and remind yourself of it every time you think about avoiding activity!

• Practice being mindful about how you move your body through space. If you had parents who had narcissistic traits, there's a good chance you're not terribly aware of your body (the technical term for this is interoception). Then...

• When you notice your body in motion, practice gratitude for what your body can do.

• Observe your self-talk. Are you an honest and caring witness to the struggles and challenges your body has faced? Or do you talk down to your body? A good way to assess this is to ask yourself if you'd talk to someone you love the way you talk to yourself.

• Start small, and work toward goals gradually. Be creative with how you get in physical activity!

• Have a plan to combat sitting. Research suggests that "sitting is the new smoking." Set a timer to remind you to get up and move at least every hour (every 30 minutes is even better).

• While you're getting up and moving, make an effort to look at objects at least 30 feet away for at least 30 seconds. If you can, spend your time out in nature.

• Be a kid again! Kids wiggle, squirm, and skip. If you have kids, play follow the leader, and let them get you moving!

• Park as far away as you safely can whenever possible.

• Walk your kids to school instead of driving them.

• Put the grocery store cart away. Consider putting it in a cart stall further away than necessary!

• Take the stairs instead of the elevator.

• Walk to a co-worker's desk instead of calling or emailing.

• Walk to work or to the store whenever you can instead of driving.

• Walk around (or at least stand up and stretch) when you're at your kid's practice.

• Put on your favorite music and dance for a song or two.

• If you have stairs in your home, put them to work! Take items up or down the stairs one at a time, instead of carrying as much as you can.

• Carry bags from the car to the house one bag at a time.

• Take the dog for a second walk every day.

• Get into gardening, or do lawn chores.

• Whenever possible, take on tasks that involve movement, whether it's painting a bedroom, chopping wood for a family fire pit, or cooking instead of ordering food delivered to your home.

• Be intentional as you're engaging in housecleaning or cooking. These activities require you to stand and move in ways that can strengthen your core, improve your balance, and connect you to your body!

I have one last suggestion for you. If it's challenging for you to move your body through space because of the way you talk to yourself, ask for help. Talk to a trusted family member or friend, or seek out a therapist if you need to. If you struggle to find anything positive about your body, it'll be incredibly difficult to follow through on taking care of your body. You live in your body for a lifetime--you need to have a healthy, happy relationship with it in order to thrive. And you deserve a lifetime of thriving!

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