Want to Talk to Your Child About Healthy Boundaries? Look No Further!

As the school year begins and kids head back to the classroom, are you thinking about your child making new friends? Are you worrying about your child being bullied? Do you want to talk to your child about healthy boundaries? Look no further! I'm excited to share my third children's book, Camila and Her Castle, is now available for sale on Amazon.com!

Camila and Her Castle is the third of five books in the KidsThrive! series I'm writing. Each of the books is designed to help parents teach children the positive psychology skills kids need to thrive in childhood--and in adulthood, too.

Camila and Her Castle gives parents an engaging, age-appropriate way to teach children the skills they need to have healthy receiving boundaries. Receiving boundaries are the boundaries we have with regard to what we take in. When we have healthy receiving boundaries, we know how to listen to and evaluate what others say to us. We stay calm and confident when we hear things that aren't true, or aren't helpful.

Unfortunately, parents tend to focus more on teaching their children giving boundaries--that is, they tend to focus more on what children say to others--and neglect receiving boundaries. While it's important to have healthy giving boundaries, children also need healthy receiving boundaries.

Without healthy receiving boundaries, children take in what's said to them without question. When children are able to question and evaulate what they hear, they are able to choose healthy friends and partners, set boundaries in relationships, and accomplish personal and professional goals. In short, healthy receiving boundaries are necessary for a lifetime of health and happiness!

We've talked before about how research shows self-esteem and self-concept are key in helping children address bullying. Healthy receiving boundaries also help children address bullying, too. When children identify what they hear as untrue or unhelpful, it's easier for children to respond calmly, or ignore what they hear. And when children can identify why what they're hearing is inappropriate, they are more likely to ask for help if they are (or someone else is) being bullied. In fact, Camila and Her Castle is based on the conversations and activities I would do with clients who are being bullied. (And not a week goes by that I don't talk about drawbridges and castles with my adult clients, too.)

That said, it’s challenging to teach receiving boundaries, because our culture tends to focus far more on teaching children giving boundaries. Many of us grew up with parents who had poor giving boundaries, and they didn't teach us healthy receiving boundaries. If your parent had difficulty staying calm when someone cut them off in traffic, called you stupid or lazy or ugly, or constantly reminded you that "Your room is always a filthy mess!" your parent probably didn't teach you to observe and challenge what you saw and heard. But each of these behaviors models unhealthy giving boundaries, and the healthy response to each requires strong receiving boundaries.

If you live with or share joint custody of your children with a person with narcissistic traits, the other parent's tendency to see people as a useful object means they probably aren't teaching your child how to have healthy receiving boundaries. In fact, parents with narcissistic traits often take advantage of a child's desire to please their parents, and encourage the child to have weak receiving boundaries.

As Camila discovers in the story, receiving boundaries include several different skill sets that allow us to evaluate what we take in. Happily, because the examples used in the book are drawn from everyday childhood experiences, you and your child can immediately apply the skills to their own life. Every time your child reads it, you’ll be strengthening your child’s thriving skills, and setting your child up for success as an adult.

As we discussed recently, in adolescence teens begin to notice whether you have integrity or not--that is, they become very aware if you say what mean, mean what you say, and do what you say (or not!). If you're not skilled at receiving boundaries, it will be difficult for your teen to take you seriously when you try to teach them about their receiving boundaries. After all, how can you talk about something you don’t know anything about?

So, if your own receiving boundaries aren’t where you want your child’s receiving boundaries to be when they’re adults, now is the time to work on building your own receiving boundaries! Every time you read Camila and Her Castle with your child, you’ll be reviewing and reinforcing your own receiving boundary skills, too. Especially if you’re here because you have someone with narcissistic traits in your life, this book will give you a boost, so you can keep making the move from surviving to thriving!

And if your child spends time with a parent or someone else with narcissistic traits, Camila and Her Castle will help your child discover how to strengthen their receiving boundaries, using everyday childhood experiences that they can then apply to their relationships with others.

Camila and Her Castle is written for elementary-aged children, but the engaging illustrations and familiar childhood experiences will appeal to teens (and adults), too. If your child is preschool-aged, this easy-to-read book will get you started with building your child’s (and your own) self-esteem and self-concept early. That’ll give you the head start you need to be a thriving-based parent!

Camila and Her Castle is available online for purchase on Amazon.com in paperback format. Kindle is coming soon, and I'll post to let you know as soon as it's available!

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